It is important that we develop the ability to overcome the difficult emotions that set in when we feel hurt or offended.
Often, our natural instinct is to withdraw or to become distant, or in some cases, to retaliate. My experience is that none of these approaches are very effective relationship tools. In fact, my experience, both personally and professionally, is that these approaches exacerbate and prolong the difficult circumstances.
We need to develop the ability to not take things personally (which will avoid the issue altogether. To learn more about this concept read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz). And even though this path will lessen the number of episodes that we must face, we will still have some. When it does occur again, we need to take
responsibility for dealing with and soothing our own feelings in a timely fashion. Finding our voice and having conversations about the situation will help. Denying that our feelings are hurt or saying that everything is OK (when they are really not) will not help. These approaches just prolong the situation. Many people tell themselves (or subconsciously think) that they cannot or will not feel better until the offending person apologizes to them.
Do you see the power giveaway here?
First, we are giving them the power to essentially dictate our emotions by taking it personally, and now we are giving them the power to sustain the hurt feelings.
Let's stop giving away our power.
This is not an easy concept to adopt and practice, but it is so powerful that I encourage you to try it as part of your journey.
|
